#buck doesn't know how to talk about his feelings so he goes from drowning them in alcohol to beating them out at a gym to streetfigher!!!

[onthewaytosomewhere]

STREETFIGHTER BUCK for Buddie fic!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I didn't even look at your prompts mel, ngl, you know this is coming though so I don't feel bad)

it's rather appropriate that this ends up being done and posted on the friday after you gave me this

this thing kicked my arse - hopefully it's angsty enough for ya luv

this one is a long one so go read it on ao3 plz

Buck is at a bar once again. He can’t stand to be home—can’t stand to be anywhere alone with his thoughts. He just needs to get away from everything, so he has found a bar within walking distance of his apartment, which he’s never been in—a place no one else will find him. He needs some time to process everything, all the anger he feels. He just needs to get drunk so he stops having nightmares. He overhears some people sitting near him at the bar talking about a gym nearby with an area for boxing. It starts as a momentary thought, but by the end of the night, he has the name of the gym and the name of someone to talk to when he goes. Someone who will help him get started on his boxing journey—Art.

It's not long before the gym replaces the bar; he’s there most nights after a shift that he’s not with Eddie or Christopher, and on days when he’s off, he spends hours there. He beats on bags until he’s deemed ready to jump in the ring with other people. He’s learned the best ways to protect his hands. Art teaches him the proper way to wrap his hands to avoid injury, and he’s invested in a quality pair of gloves. On his first night in the ring, he goes up against a dude that hands him his ass in under a minute. The sting from the punches to his torso makes him forget for a moment the pain inside his head.

It becomes a thing he can’t get enough of, something he’s always chasing, jumping in the ring with people that will wail on his body, never his face, but his body is fair game. It goes on like this for a few weeks, and then she walks in. At first, Buck doesn’t place her, but when she comes over to talk to him when he’s pounding into the heavy bag, he remembers. Lena. The person who got Eddie involved with the fight club after the tsunami and everything else.

“Buck? Right?” She says, and Buck wants to tell her to go the hell away, but he also hopes she’s still part of that underground fighting ring.

“Yes, Buck—Evan Buckley, actually. It’s Lena, right?”

“Yeah, how’ve you been? I heard what happened to Eddie; that must have been horrible.”

“Still is horrible, actually.” It’s more than he means to say.

“Let me guess that’s why you’re here pounding on things—either to clear your head or think them through.”

“Something like that.”

... the rest of this can be found on ao3

(those words may look familiar but they are the beginning of this fic so ...)

[lesbianrobin]

ok so here is my pitch for my dream buddie catalyst:

eddie and maddie are trapped in some sort of likely-fatal time sensitive situation together (drowning related probably because it's Them) (have they overused it yes is it still thematically appropriate YES) where one person could potentially sacrifice themselves for the other to survive. i want eddie and maddie using their combined experience and ingenuity to survive together and discussing who should be prioritized which means they talk about parenthood and how they both feel they've failed their children by "running," how their lives have been so defined by trauma and they don't want to scar their children any further by leaving them again. of course they're doing everything they can to get out together, but as the situation deteriorates throughout the episode(s) (c'mon something like this could be at LEAST a two-parter) they can't help returning periodically to the world's most morbid debate.

i want buck and chim on the outside both going out of their goddamn minds. they know that eddie and maddie are stuck (wherever), know that they're probably alive, but aren't sure in what condition and if they'll stay that way. rescue operations begin as everybody walks on eggshells around buck and tries to comfort chim, who wants absolutely none of it. time is running out.

eddie says that he couldn't possibly let maddie sacrifice herself for him and look buck and chim in the eye afterwards. maddie says that she couldn't do that either. she says that at least jee-yun would still have her father, and eddie says that christopher would still have buck. maddie says that of course none of them would just abandon christopher if something were to happen to him but—

and eddie cuts her off and says it's in my will. if i die, christopher will have buck. buck will have christopher.

they just look at each other for a weighted moment. maddie makes a decision. she says ...i meant it, you know. that i couldn't let you die down here (wherever here is i don't KNOW okay i'm not here to think up convoluted emergencies i'm here for drama) and look my baby brother in the eye knowing that i could have changed it. eddie says i know, okay, but it's different, you're his sister, and maddie says, yeah, but you're his... and she pauses. and eddie says what? best friend? partner? that doesn't—

and maddie says you're his. eddie, you're his.

and eddie... i want to see something slot into place. i want to watch him understand as maddie spills everything she's been suspecting since the day that buck came out to her and maybe since before she and eddie even met. maddie says you know, when i first came to california, you were all he talked about? you're still all he talks about. you and christopher. you're his. i couldn't... eddie, you're out of your mind if you really don't think that losing you would break him just as much as losing me. he would forgive us both, because he's buck, but i couldn't... i'm no saint, eddie, i want to survive. i don't want my daughter to grow up without me. but i can't do that to him. i don't know if he'd survive it. even if he did, the guilt would eat me alive.

meanwhile. buck is barely holding on to his sanity as rescue efforts are underway and time is running out. chimney is keeping it together as best he can but there isn't much that he and buck can do. he can't let himself fall apart because buck is already a stiff breeze away from clawing his own skin off and somebody has to keep their cool. something goes wrong—suddenly, their short amount of time has gotten shorter, and they may only have enough of a window to get one out before it's too late for the other. buck, who has been ranting and arguing and screaming this whole time... is silent. he is silent, and he stares straight ahead at nothing in particular, and we know that no matter which way the scales tip, his soul will be destroyed all the same.

eddie regards maddie for a moment. grief, heartbreak, anger, all flicker over him, but what settles is determination. he says that neither of them are going to leave again. that they'll survive together, or not at all, or leave it to the universe to decide.

of course they make it out. by the skin of their teeth, they make it out, working together, clawing their way back to life and love and possibility. maddie makes it out first, and eddie sees buck as she falls into chim's waiting arms. he watches as buck sees his sister, and reaches out to take her hand with trembling fingers and white knuckles, but there is no relief, no happiness in his red-rimmed eyes. just a deep, unspeakable grief, until his eyes slide past maddie and meet eddie's.

finally: relief. and then he is in buck's arms, a perfect parallel to chim and maddie, and we see eddie's face over buck's shoulder, and we know. he is in love, and buck is in love, and eddie knows, and he sinks into his partner's embrace with joy and acceptance.

after that, who knows? maybe a grand confession. a moment of quiet understanding. a passionate post-rescue kiss. a chaste, tender kiss in some kitchen or other. maybe eddie panics later, or maybe he's found peace for once. maybe buck has realized something and he makes the first move. maybe it happens immediately. maybe it takes a while, takes discussions about how it'll affect work and christopher and whether it's worth risking all that they have for all that they want.

and maybe they'll ask whether it's even a risk at all.

[lover-of-mine]

what are your thoughts on nde for either eddie or buck in 8x08? me personally, im thinking buck is gonna get the nde, and i think he’s gonna be shot. tim recreating s4/5 when he originally wanted to do buddie, but what im thinking, is buck realizes his feelings for eddie but doesn’t want to/doesn’t know if he should tell him, then he gets shot and it’s all dramatic and eddie is there and freaking out, trying to save him and keep him alive (aka why they’re pushing medic eddie so much this season) and buck realizes this might be his last chance so he just goes for it anyway and while he’s bleeding out he tells eddie he loves him😭 i know this is probably not what’s gonna happen but lol i just enjoy theories and i always love to hear what you think!

adding onto this, i ALSO saw around twitter the theory that buck would get a nde, but he gets hit by a car or just in a car accident in general, and eddie is there and it parallels shannon’s death (obviously buck doesn’t die but you get the memo😆)

Hi, darling! Okay, I don't mean to shit on anyone's specs, but I think either of them getting shot again would be so uninspired. The show is slowly reintroducing new ways to pull the triggers they put down for buddie because they need to address the stuff that happened to them somehow, but a direct mirrored parallel to the shooting wouldn't work as well as everyone seems to think it would. Partially because I think that forcing Buck to confess because he (or Eddie) is dying is yet another way to take away Buck's agency and further attach Buck to the idea he's only worthy of love when someone bleeds. But also because putting one of them in the position to be doing the saving again won't really further their storyline. Eddie watched Buck in a nde twice, the bombing and the lightning, and Buck watched Eddie in a nde twice, the well and the shooting, and I think they need a combined trigger, aka a combined nde.

I am attached to my drown Buck theory, have them off duty, crash the car, end up trapped and the car filling with water, but I also think that the trapped dads theory also works a lot here, especially if you put them both in the situation while off duty, aka without gear or backup, and you can play with a lot of elements of every nde before that and create a catalyst for them to talk and figure themselves out. I also think everyone is getting ahead of themselves, I don't think they are in the place to get that catalyst yet, and 2 episodes are not enough to get them there when we are talking about an ensemble show. I feel like people are expecting a direct callback because we got a well callback and are getting a lightning callback, but while buddie was front and center during the well callback, they actually used it to further Chim at first. It works to get the audience thinking about different aspects of their past, which in turn makes it so that when they talk about it, it will be in our minds, but it doesn't explicitly address the implications with buddie. I think the lightning callback will be a lot about reminding Buck of whatever it was that he was supposed to learn with it the first time around that they never truly explored due to the network switch and Natalia not coming back. I also think that confronting the situation where Buck almost died and possibly watching a freshly heartbroken Buck be impulsive can push Eddie to look at some stuff that would push him into action to figure himself out.

Especially if @stagefoureddiediaz ends up right and the lightning callback ends up being a truck bombing callback too since the well callback is also a subtle callback to the kids on the cliff call in 304 and could be played into different directions when it comes to what comes out from it moving forward. Buddie has a lot to talk about, but they need a reason to think about the stuff they need to talk about on their own before getting to a point where they can actually have those conversations. I think they rely too much on how well they understand each other that they fail to consider the way they can't actually read each other's minds, and figuring that part out is important before pushing them to the catalyst. And please don't get me wrong, I'm like, 90% sure that the catalyst will be another nde, I just don't think it's gonna happen until 8b.

[rubykgrant]

(I don't remember if I mentioned this here before or not) One of my weird "it's like I'm watching a movie dreams" with a whole plot and everything (that doesn't always make sense, but whatever) was about this girl, who has been homeless for about 7 years. She has recently heard that a teacher she ad in college recently passed away, so she goes to visit his family, say good-bye, and such. While there, she hears about how difficult they all have it as well, and doesn't want to mention her situation (she knows they'd want to help her, but she would feel guilty when they ave their own problems).

She goes back to the place she's been staying, but a bunch of cops are there, hassling other homeless people. She grabs her backpack of belongings from a hiding place real quick, then moves on. She eventually comes to what she thinks is a recently constructed mall, and after looking around, she finds a garage entrance that leads to a big bathroom, where she sleeps for the night. The next day, she hears people moving around, finds a new spot to hide, and discovers this is actually a soon-to-be opened hotel resort. Sneaking around in the unfinished halls lets her get into different rooms, that have beds and bathrooms, so she moves from one to the other as each floor gets completed, and plans to leave when she runs out of space.

One night, some people some to stay as some kind of "pre-opening" event, and she realizes this will be the last evening she can hide here safely. At around 2 in the morning, she gets read to leave... and thinks about going into the rooms with people in them, taking some of their stuff and wallets, and maybe pawning anything valuable. She gets a tablecloth, and begins to fill it with things... then changes her mind. If she gets caught stealing, it'll be worse than trespassing, and she'd hate to accidentally take a necklace that belonged to somebody's grandmother, and it's worth 5 bucks, but has more sentimental value.

She actually goes and puts everything back... and in doing so, sees SOMEBODY ELSE sneaking around! A figure dressed in black with their face hidden hurries out of a room, and leaves through one of the back halls. The girl goes to look in that room, and discovers somebody tied up in a bathtub, fully clothed, and unconscious! She pulls them, up, helps get them breathing, and calls for help. After things settle down, it is revealed that the person in the tb was drugged with sleeping pills, then tied up in the water, left to drown. All the new security cameras were shut off an hour before this happened, so this was very much planned.

This is also how the girl learns that this hotel is owned and designed by a rich couple, who are pretty oblivious regarding HOW wealthy they actually are (pleasant and nice, but they are SO out of touch with reality. they live in a happy little bubble of money). They invited all their friends to visit the weekend before the hotel opened. Upon learning that a homeless girl has in fact been hiding here for a couple weeks, they react like they just realized being homeless is REAL. They aren't mad at all, and are very grateful she helped save their friend. They basically want to adopt her, but she's a little hesitant about that (she's 28, and also not a stray cat, thank you).

The only one who gives her a hard time is the guy who was hired as head of security; he's embarrassed he never noticed she was here, and horrified that somebody almost got killed on his watch. He also knows she ALMOST stole from one of the rooms, seeing the way a tablecloth has been moved. They clash a bit, but she turns out to be very helpful when talking about any strange clues regarding the back halls, and is able to help him figure out how to find the person who tried to kill the guest. This story was also like a non-fairytale modern version of Princess and the Pea, because the girl discovers a clue to the would-be murderer in her room, hidden under the bed she's been sleeping in. She's hesitant to bring it up, since the security is already suspicious of her, but he softens up, and believes her when she finally tells him the truth

And then I woke up, I don't know what the resolution was supposed to be

[jean-kayak]

Anon Request: heyyy! so like i LOVED the haikyuu x thick black gf, do you think you could do it for the generations of miracles too? if that’s a lot maybe just akashi because i love that man

A/N: Here it is, anon! And I did all of them for you, so I hope you like it! (and yes it is 2 am)

Word Count: 2.5k

Haikyuu!! version here and here!

》Poor baby would be overwhelmed

》He wouldn't know what to do lmfao, and he probably be a stuttering mess when he first meets you

》He's probably nervous to touch you at first because he doesn't really know where to start and because there's so much of you

》But once he gets comfortable enough, he always wants you on top of him or on him in some way shape or form

》He always denies you when you think you might crush him because he really loves the weight of you on him, and he probably prefers to be the little spoon

》I feel like he's not big on getting head, but when you do, he feels like his life has changed

》It feels so good, he doesn't know what to do or where to go lmfao, so he just ends up squirming a ton, the moans he's making completely out of his control

》His body definitely feels like jelly when he cums, and he probably won't move for a while lmfao

》Now when he goes down on you? He was mesmerized by how much slick you had produced and all you guys had done was made out

》He'll just lay there between your legs, gripping your thighs tightly when you squirm under his gaze, but he can't help but watch

》He'll play with your nipples, run his fingers just shy of touching you where you want him just to see if you'll get even wetter

》And when he finally tastes you, he wonders why he wasn't doing this sooner, and you don't think you've seen him move with such enthusiasm off the court before

》He's moaning into your folds, his hands digging into your thighs as he eats you out with more fervor

》In that moment in time, he was content with staying in between your legs for the rest of his life

》But then you finally slept together, and he really thought that the air had been snatched from his lungs

》He can barely last long when he slides in, and he doesn't even move when he bottoms out lmfao, he just rests his face in your neck

》His hands are just scrambling and grabbing all over your body as he tries to stop himself from cumming and he hasn't even moved yet

》He obviously doesn't last long 💀 but he makes sure he cums, and the moment he slides out, he's out like a light lmfao

》And he definitely goes and buys you a ring the next day

》Fangirls, who? Mans forgets them the moment his eyes land on you

》Like seriously, he literally ignores them and only talks to you, walking right past them, and he probably doesn't realize that they're standing there

》Your boobs are definitely his favorite part of you, he'll lay on them, touch them, squeeze them, doesn't matter, his hands are always on them

》He's eccentric in public, but the moment you go down on him, he's nothing but a stuttering mess, moans and whimpers the only thing coming from him

》It literally takes everything in him to not buck up into your mouth, which feels like heaven,

���Puts a hand on your head to try and ground himself because he definitely feels like he's floating

》When he cums, the world seems to just disappear, and you have to rub over his face to make sure he's okay because he hasn't moved in a while

》And after you've made him feel spineless, it's only right for him to return the favor of course

》Once he starts though, he doesn't really plan on stopping and he never does it to just return the favor

》His eyes widen when he realizes how soaked you are when he brushes his fingers over your folds, his ministrations soaking his hand and wrist

》You're producing so much that he can't let it go to waste, so he's sliding in between your legs, and he freezes in shock for a second before attaching his mouth to your folds

》He definitely wants to stay there for the rest of his life, practically drowning in your slick, not really caring if it kills him

》Coaxes you to orgasm quickly just so he can taste more of you, that becoming his only priority

》And he makes sure to catch every last drop, the last thing he wants to do is waste it

》And when he's finally inside you, he tries to chuckle, thinking that there's no way you can feel this good, but it's cut off with a garbled moan

》You really do feel this good, your cunt hot and wet, sucking him back in every time he pulls out

》He feels a shudder run up his spine, his body practically shaking with euphoria as he can't focus on anything else but you

》His eyes roll when you clamp around him, and his orgasm comes out of nowhere, his body going rigid

》He can barely catch himself, his forehead resting against yours as he tries to calm his heartbeat down. "So, you wanna get married tomorrow?"

》Please, this man would have such a hard time making basic conversation lol

》He has a hard time trying to focus on talking to you because he keeps focusing on your body

》Definitely just freezes in place whenever you wear shorts or anything that shows off your thighs

》You're pretty sure you saw his nose bleeding one time, and he brushed you off when you asked, his face as red as a tomato

》He's like Kuroko, hesitantly touching you because he doesn't know what to do because you're so thick

》Once he gets comfortable and over that completely flustered phase, his hands are continuously on your thighs

》You find him squeezing them softly or laying on them, totally mesmerized by how soft they are

》When you offer to go down on him, he's quick to say that you don't have to, but you insist that you want to do it

》Needless to say, he never tries to convince you otherwise again

》The blush on his face spreads down to his chest, sweat coating his forehead as he has trouble controlling the noises he's making

》And the pleasure is so great that he actually goes silent, the only indication that he's cum is when you feel him shoot down your throat

》You actually have to check on him, and you chuckle softly as you fix his glasses, his breathing ragged

》I feel like he's one of the guys who's never really understood the appeal of going down on somebody, but he's not opposed to it

》And his opinion changes when he finally sees how soaked you get from just a tiny amount of foreplay and when your slick lands on his tongue

》You've actually never seen him put more emotion into something, and he's actually urging you to squeeze his head with your thighs, pushing them together as his fingers dig into them

》You actually have to pull him away from you when you cum, the only thing he's focused on is tasting you

》He really doesn't think you could get any better, but then he feels your walls around him, and he feels his heart skip multiple times

》He really doesn't know what to focus on, and he actually forgets to move, and you have to jolt him out of the trance you put him in

》Even after that, it's like his brain has stopped working lmfao, literally the only thing running through his mind is how warm and tight your walls are

》He groans when he sees your slick all over him, and he hits that spot inside of you, making you clench around him and that's what sends him over the edge

》And he didn't even realize he was that close 💀 "Marriage sounds like a good idea, doesn't it?"

》Ooh boy, this man, literally jaw drops open, hits the floor, and then he's quickly running over to you, trying to flirt with you to the max

》He's actually pretty surprised that he managed to get you, but he's definitely showing you off, making sure everyone knows that you're his

》He loves your ass, literally the only thing he'll pay attention to

》So, if you're back is towards him, you can totally forget about him following the conversation

》Expect him to smack your ass randomly, like outta nowhere

》He'll be the pettiest boyfriend in the world saying shit like "I'll do it if you suck my dick" stupid shit like that 🙄✋🏽

》So, then you do...you suck the soul of out him and this man literally buys you whatever you want

》He can't help but cant his hips, thrusting into your mouth, but it doesn't last long because he's cumming after a couple of thrusts, a deep groan coming out of his throat

》While you're making out, he teases your folds with his fingers, but he stops kissing you when he realizes how wet you are

》His attention is quickly shifted to your cunt, as he slides down your body, pushing your legs to your chest before eating you out like his last meal

》He loses himself in your taste, your juices coating the lower half of his face and dripping down his chin

》You whine from the overstimulation when you cum, and he pulls away but once you recover, his mouth is right back on you

》And he'll either be there or fucking you into the mattress, holding your legs in the same position

》His eyes are rolling in the back of his head, trying to hold back as he fucks into you, a white ring appearing at the base of his dick

》How much slick you produce always amazes him, no matter what he does, and it's all he pays attention to as he fucks you

》He cums way too early for his liking, surprising himself

》But at the same time, it's not like he could really control it with how good you feel around him

》He fucking you through his high, bringing you to yours, and then he's pulling out of you, resting back on his haunches

》"Looks like I'm gonna have to marry you."

》This man tries to act like he's not floored by your body, but he absolutely is

》His eyes are always running over your body whenever you're not looking his way

》Your thighs and your ass are his favorite parts; picks you up so that he can feel them around his waist, his hands splayed on your ass

》Is always laying on your thighs, literally does anything while he's in between them

》When you give him head the first time, he's pretty patient because come on now, my mans is packing

》But he jumps slightly in surprise when you fully take him down your throat, digging his nails into his palm when he sees himself in your throat

》He's literally sinking into whatever furniture he's sitting/laying on because he's never been with someone that could actually take all of him before

》He doesn't really know how to react because he's never felt pleasure like this before

》Got this man's legs twitching lmfao

》He doesn't even move after he cums, just lays there, and there's no way you can move him so you just leave him there 💀

》Now, one thing you'll have to be ready for is when he eats you out

》The first time he gets his mouth on you? His snacks are being thrown out the window

》You're his snack now, and he literally will push your legs up and out of his way, and there's literally nothing you can do to stop him

》He gives overstimulation a new meaning when you meet him, and he doesn't let you go until he's gotten his fill

》He's eating you out more so for his pleasure than yours. Period.

》This man is still lazy though, and he makes you do all the work, so he'll just lay back and let you do all the work as you sink down on him

》But then he feels your walls pulsing around him, and his hands are twitching as he tries to control himself

》The only thing he can do is rest his hands on your hips as you ride him, and he really can't do anything else even if he wanted to

》He starts fucking up into you once he starts reaching his climax, a deep "fuck" leaving him as he shoots into you, and you're not too far behind

》"It's not that big of a deal, but you wanna get married?" (It is that big of a deal 🙄✋🏽)

》He tries to seem cool, calm, collected when he first meets you

》He's not like Atsushi, who tries to pretend like he's not amazed by your body

》He's just trying to play off how you affect him

》I feel like he doesn't have a favorite body part of yours, wanting to show love to every part

》His hands run over every single inch, literally no part of you goes untouched by him

》Like Midorima, he's not really all about receiving head, but that confident persona is gone once you go down on him

》He's never been the one to become speechless, but you literally render him just that, his brain completely blurred, the only thing he can think about is how amazing your mouth is

》He starts to back away from you a little bit lmao because of how good he feels, the pleasure building up in his spine quickly

》He squirms a ton when he cums, and that's all he can do lol, and he doesn't deny you in the future if you want to go down on him

》He wants to pleasure you too, so he'll easily go down on you, but he chuckles in disbelief when he sees your glistening folds

》And he's amazed by how it seems like your arousal is endless, the juices coating his tongue and his face

》Moves his hands out of the way so that he can feel your legs squeezing his head like Midorima

》He eats you out with so much energy, smiling against you when you fall apart, living for the feeling of your legs twitching against his ears from overstimulation

》The first time you sleep together, his plans to take it slow are quickly forgotten

》Your walls seem to swallow him quickly, practically sucking him in, and he groans in surprise

》He wants to move, but if he does, he knows he'll cum in record time, but even the warmth and pulse of your walls is nearly enough to send him over the edge

》He just tries to aim for your g-spot just in case he cums way before you are able to, but that only sends him higher because your walls are clamping around him

》He knows he's not gonna last long, and he'll make it up to you later, but at that moment, he picks up the speed of his hips, his eyes slipping shut

》He has to brace himself when he cums, his hands on either side of your hands, his lungs feeling like they can't get enough air

》"Doesn't marriage sound like an amazing idea to you?"

Tags: @that-chick212

[findanotherreasontosmile]

I'm Torn Exactly Into Two Pieces (One Who Wants You and One Who's Gone Dark)

"Buck goes to work. He talks to his coworkers, never letting conversations go any deeper than shallow small talk, no matter how hard they try. When the shifts are over, he hurries to his empty apartment, always alone.

During the days between shifts he doesn’t answer his phone. Eventually, the calls and texts peter out.

Eddie tries to talk to him a few times, invites him over to hang out, but after many refusals, excuses and uncomfortable stuttering, he leaves Buck alone. Instead of feeling relieved, Buck cries himself to sleep after the first shift in which Eddie doesn’t approach him."

or, Eddie announces he's leaving the 118, and Buck spirals.

Read on AO3 | 16k | complete

Buck spends the rest of the day in a haze.

After Eddie’s confession, Buck offers him a smile and a hug. He comforts his best friend, because at that moment he needs it more than Buck does, and goes on with his evening. He smiles at the guests at the impromptu Christmas party, he chats with Carla, he plays with Christopher and Denny.

He ignores the sad, confused looks Hen sends his way. He avoids Bobby, who keeps trying to talk to him with an understanding, pitying expression. He doesn’t want to talk about it. There is nothing to talk about. He pretends his heart hasn’t just been torn into pieces.

Then, when the food is finished and the kids are all grumpy from exhaustion and the crash after the sugar rush, he drives home. He drops Taylor at her place first, kissing her distractedly before driving off.

He does not remember how he gets home, or how long it takes. Once he walks in, he throws the keys on the counter and climbs upstairs. He takes his shoes off along the way, hearing them fall down the stairs. He doesn’t take his clothes off, just crawls into bed, hides his head under the covers, and stills.

He waits for the grief to hit. He has been holding on all day, keeping the tears at bay until he was alone. Now, alone in his loft, with the autopilot off, he waits for the waterworks, but he comes up blank.

He feels empty. He waits for any feeling to overwhelm him, anger, sadness, anything, but nothing comes.

He is numb.

The wave of hurt he has been expecting doesn't come. He stays under the covers, waiting.

He knows that there is something wrong. Buck, who gets emotional over videos of unlikely animal friendships and over heartfelt commercials, can't bring himself to shed a single tear at the prospect of his best friend leaving. Buck, whose abandonment issues could fill books upon books (and they have, just ask Dr. Copeland).

He’s aware he should do something, like take a shower, or clean up the loft, anything but lay there drowning in his thoughts and his inability to process them. But his arms feel so tired, and moving even an inch seems unfathomable.

The hours tick by, one after another, and he doesn’t move.

He might never move again.

Finally, without a warning, sleep takes over.

Keep reading on AO3

[your-eternal-muse]

Use me (Part two)

Summery: Reader takes Spencer up on his offer to rid her system of "The Wizard".

Warnings: Hard core, nasty ass smut; fingering, oral sex,(female receiving); penetration; unprotected sex/creampie; multiple orgasams

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

A/N: Here it is. Part two. I'll link part one in a bit after I do some things, but other than that enjoy! And yes, there will be a part three.

Part 1

Im dead.

The substance that he injected me with was lethal, and I'm laying in a dark alley somewhere, dead, because kissing Spencer Reid is heaven.

His hands grip my hips, holding me against him as he presses me into his window.

His lips are soft and warm, and easily tell me what to do and when to do it.

My body is on fire in the best way possible.

My fingers run their way through his hair, tugging on the satin strands as he kisses his way down my jaw, leaving bite marks until he finds the pulse point just above my collarbone.

Every touch, every kiss, sends waves down to my core, where it waits drowning in my juices.

He's situated between my legs, his ever present bulge pressing just so onto me.

It's driving me insane.

Without thinking, my hips buck forward, and the small ounce of pressure starts a ball forming in my gut.

I feel him smile against my neck, before he detaches himself.

We're both breathless, chests heaving, and my hands are shaking as I grip his dress shirt.

"Tell me what you need, Princess."

Fantasies, y/n, think of your fantasies.

"I-I need your fingers."

While I'm talking, he removed the holster from his hip, setting it on the desk beside us.

"Please, Spence. You haven't even touched me and I'm so close."

His hands immediately find the button of my jeans, undoing them and pushing them down just enough to have room.

He doesn't hesitate, cupping my sex through my panties.

"So fucking wet. Is this what I do to you?"

I can't speak through the mewls leaving my throat, so I just nod.

"Words, please." His voice is steady, and I know if it were different circumstances, he'd punish me for making him repeat himself.

But right now, he just runs his fingers over the fabric, back and forth through the wetness.

"Yes, fuck, you make me so wet Spencer."

That must have been what he wanted to hear, because in one swift motion, without removing his fingers from my skin, he goes up my stomach, and then down again, slipping under the band of my underwear.

He runs his fingers through my folds, easily slipping a finger into my heat.

My hand clutches his upper arm, my mouth hanging open in ecstacy as he pumps his finger in and out.

"Tell me what you want me to do, Princess. I want to make you feel good."

You're already doing that babe.

I try and gather my thoughts, and right as I'm about to speak, he slips another finger in.

"Fuck." My head hits the glass panel of his window.

My fingers are going to leave bruises on his bicep, but I really could not care less at this point.

His lips attach themselves to my neck, and the warm ball deep inside me starts to grow.

But I need more.

"F-Faster. Please go faster."

"Anything for you, baby girl."

His fingers move faster within me, and I grind down into them every time they enter me.

He leaves my neck, looking down at the work he's doing, his breathing a lot smoother than my own.

With his free hand, he takes the hand of mine that's still gripping his shirt, and he leads it up to his lips.

He gently kisses the tips of my first two fingers before taking them into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digits, all while keeping direct eye contact.

I almost cum at the sight.

He leads them from his mouth, down my stomach, stopping to rest at the bundle of nerves at the top.

"Touch yourself."

Yes sir.

I frantically start moving circles over my clit, as his fingers continue pumping in and out of me.

And then it happens.

He curls his fingers as he enters me, and sparks are sent up and down my spine.

I can't help but gasp.

"Yes, fuck fuck fuck, right there. Holy shit."

His long slender fingers move faster and faster within me, curling around that pretty little spot until boom.

My orgasm hits me like a train, as I clench around his fingers, which are still moving as I cum.

My chest rises and falls, as I try to catch my breath, and he removes his hand.

And for one, blissful moment, the fire disappears.

Before it comes crashing back.

He seems to read me like a book, pulling me towards him again.

"You don't think I'm finished with you yet, do you?"

Thank fuck.

I can't help but smile, moving my hands up his chest to lay at the nape of his neck, pulling him down into another kiss.

His hands run down my back, over my ass, to rest on the back of my thighs.

With one finger, he taps the muscle, and on shaky legs, I manage to jump high enough for him to place his hands just above the back of my knees to carry me.

While he makes his way through his apartment to his bedroom, I trail kisses down his neck, leaving marks of my own in their wake.

He lays me on the bed, hovering over me as one hand finds the hem of my shirt, pushing it up over my stomach.

He steps back, standing at the foot of his bed as I lift my grey t-shirt up over my head, tossing it somewhere in his room.

Sweat covers my skin, making my hair stick to my face and neck, and my chest glistens in the dim orange light of his room.

I watch as he brings his fingers up to his mouth, and slowly sucks off my juices.

I brush hair out of my face, watching with lustful fascination.

They leave his mouth with a pop before going to his tie and undoing it.

"You taste so fucking sweet, Princess."

One by one, his fingers travel down his shirt, undoing every button on their way down.

I sit up, crawling over to him, pushing the fabric from his shoulders.

My fingers run over his chest, and down his stomach, pausing at his belt as I undo the buckle.

His hands come up to cradle my face, as he kisses me again.

I'll never get used to him kissing me.

I want his taste engraved into my tongue.

Why the hell can't I have an eidetic memory?

Even without one though, I know I'll never forget this.

My hand sneaks into his pants, palming him over his boxers.

His moan breaks the kiss, and his eyes fall shut.

How can someone look so beautiful with my hand down their pants?

"As much as I would love to see that pretty little mouth wrapped around my cock," his breathes are more labored now, and his hands fall from my face to grasp my hips. "Tonight's about making you feel good."

I didn't even realize his hands had moved until the clasp of my bra was undone.

"Now, be a good girl and lie down." He whispers.

I'm past the point of being embarrassed, laying down without another word, a blush crawling up my neck.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful,"He crawls over me, encaging me in his arms.

He kisses me once, before traveling down my neck and chest, stopping only to suckle each of my nipples into his mouth, before continuing down my stomach.

He loops his fingers into the belt loops of my jeans, pulling them down the rest of the way before tossing them behind him.

He then starts at my right ankle, and begins to kiss up my leg, repeating with my left before he comes to settle in between my legs.

He pulls my panties down slowly, watching my reaction as every second passes.

"If you want me to stop, just say so, okay?"

God, I love him.

Not likely, but okay.

I nod, before remembering he told me to use my words. "I understand."

"Good."

I'm going to marry this man.

Purely for the fact that he eats pussy like it's his last fucking meal.

My fingers twist themselves into his hair, as he holds my sex against his mouth, licking and sucking like he hasn't eaten in years.

I spare a glance down and my heart almost stops.

His eyes are closed, and his hair is starting to curl from the humidity in the room.

He must sense me watching, because his eyes open, and I feel him smirk against me.

He licks up through my folds, stopping to suck on my clit until I'm shaking underneath him.

He moves his hand from my hip and grabs one from his hair, once again leading it to my clit as his mouth moves down.

I start rubbing circles, but stutter as I feel his tongue dart into me.

He's watching me now, the way I quiver underneath him, the pathetic moans echoing through his bedroom.

He does it again and again, and I can feel my orgasm teetering on the edge.

He can tell as my circles go frantic, and my hand in his hair holds me closer to him than I thought possible.

"Spencer, I'm gon-"

I'm falling.

Stars explode in my vision, and my back arches off the bed as I cum into his mouth.

I fall, breathless, onto his mattress as be retracts himself from me, a proud smile etched onto his face.

The moment of calm lasts longer this time, but it once again comes back, burning me at the edges.

"I need, I need one more." I plead, my throat hoarse from screaming.

He stands, removing his belt, and letting his pants fall down to the floor.

I lift myself up into my elbows and smile at him.

He pushes his boxers off his hips and I stare, open mouthed as his erection pops free.

God, it's better than I could have ever imagined.

I wipe my chin to make sure I'm not drooling and he laughs.

"Now, I don't have any condoms on me, but-"

"I'm on the pill."

It's the fastest I've spoken tonight, and I slowly start spreading my legs.

"I'm on the pill, and I want, no, need you to cum inside me." I bite my lip, and bat my eyelashes at him. "I even used my words."

I see his dick twitch and he groans, the muscles in his stomach tensing.

"As you wish, Princess."

He crawls back onto the bed, pumping his dick in his hand a couple times, before sliding it through my folds to pick up some wetness.

He isn't even in me yet, and already my hands grip the sheets around us.

"You ready?"

"Yes sir."

He moans, deep and low within his chest, and he smiles."I love it when you call me that."

And then he slowly pushes into me, and my eyes squeeze shut because holy shit he feels better than I could have ever thought.

My dildo at home doesn't even compare to this.

He bottoms out, and he takes a moment to catch his breath."God, you feel so fucking good, baby girl."

I wrap my legs around his waist, and pull his lips down to mine as he slowly starts moving.

I can see sweat build up on his hairline, and his room is going to feel of sex for days.

A part of me thinks he's not gonna care all that much.

His breathing is starting to match my own, and he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck as his strokes become faster.

My back moves against the softness of his sheets, and my nails dig into the skin of his back.

It doesn't take long for that warm ball to start growing towards my (hopefully) final climax.

"Im cl-close, Spence."

His breath is hit on my neck, and the speed tells me he's close too.

But than his hand finds my hip, and lifts me just so, and the angle in which he snaps back into me makes me choke on air.

Stroke after stroke, he hits a spot deep within me, and I know I'm done for when he whispers "Cum for me," into my ear.

And boy, do I cum.

My soul leaves my body, and I can barely register the warm feeling of his release inside of me as he rides out both of our orgasms.

When I open my eyes, my nails are at the bottom of his back and he's laying on top of me.

I wait for the heat to come back but it doesn't.

My head is clear, and my skin no longer feels like it's on fire.

His head is resting on my chest and I move some hair away from his face, placing a soft kiss on to his forehead.

"Thank you." I don't speak louder than a whisper, not wanting to break the delicate moment. 

I had dreams about this happening. 

Granted, not exactly like this, but I had them.

Now that it's happened, I don't want to let it go.

I don't want to let him go.

He lifts his head and smiles, his eyes soft and his dimples ever present in the dim lighting.

He's so beautiful.

"The pleasure was all mine, y/n." His voice was just as soft, just as afraid to break the fragile air.

He leans forward, kissing me gently one last time before he carefully climbs off of me. 

He leaves the room, and for a moment, I'm alone with my thoughts. And I realize my vagina aches. I reach a hand down and gingerly touch it and his when it pulses. I'm also pretty sure my legs are numb.

I wiggle my toes, just to make sure I can, and he walks back in with a washcloth.

He concentrates as he wipes the cool fabric across my skin, clearing away the evidence of our explosion. He folds it, getting a clean side, before reaching up and wiping my brow and face.

He brushes some hair out of my face, and I grab his wrist, holding his palm there.

His thumb swipes across the apple of my cheek and I close my eyes, content to staying here.

But he has other plans.

"As much as you don't want to, we need to go to the hospital. We need to talk to the team."

I sigh, knowing he's right.

"Hotch is going to be pissed that I gave in to exactly what the unsub wanted. But you know what?" I look up at him.

"What?"

"It was my choice. And I don't regret it for a second."

He smiles, and I swear I see a blush dust his cheeks, but he removes his hand and stands, gathering the clothes strewn about the room.

I sit up on his bed, carefully swinging my legs over the side to place my feet on the hardwood floor, not quite trusting myself to stand.

He hands me my clothes and even goes as far as helping me slide my jeans back up my legs, kissing me once they're situated on my hips.

He goes about putting on his own clothes as I slip my t-shirt back over my head, finally pushing myself up off the bed.

As soon as I'm upright, the room starts spinning, and I place a hand on my forehead, trying to turn to see Spencer.

He drops his shirt as he rushes forward, and my world goes dark.

Use me taglist: @1800-fight-me @cielo1984 @you-had-me-at-hello-dear @rainsong01 @eternityofaxiom

Permanent taglist: @pinkdiamond1016

[animesmutfest]

Hawks x Reader

You look at the clock in disbelief as the hand strikes twelve. You sat on the couch drinking wine with tears running down your face. Your husband is no where to be found. Again. Its your fourth anniversary and he has not been home at all today. Suddenly you hear the door unlock but you don't even look your just take another sip of your wine. You could tell he was at least tipsy as he stumbles in the house. He looks over to you and see your cup and tear streaked face. Walking closer he realized you’re dressed up and a card lays on the cushion next to her reading happy anniversary. Before he could even speak you start. "Two years. You haven't been here for an event for two years. You've missed even our own daughters birthdays." You say seething with anger. "Y/n listen" he starts. "You know what Kiego?! You can go fuck yourself! Get the hell out!" You scream at hawks throwing his jacket and shoes at him. "Come on Y/N do you really want to end things like this? Please don't give up on me!" He says pleading. "You have missed every single family event the past two years. If you want to drown in a bottle or use work as an excuse, me and our daughter deserve better than that!" You scream while crying. hawks now crying as well sinks to the floor realizing that you wear right. Every single family event for the past two years he has either been working or drinking. "Ill stop drinking babe! I wont ever drink again if that's what you want!" He cries. "I don't want you to do anything but be the man i thought i married. But i cant even trust you to do that considering you're never here" you shout. "Okay y/n ill leave. But i promise you I'm going to do better from here on!" He says walking out the door.you close it behind him and sink to the bottom balling your eyes out. His heart breaks as he hears your cries, the cries that he caused.

He gets in his car and drives to a hotel to give you space. At the hotel he cry's into his bottle of jack thinking about the facts and the facts are her has not been there for his own family. His two year older daughter ember is 3 and he hasn't been to her 2nd or 3rd birthday parties. He's always just told y/n something came up. "I really am a pathetic excuse of a man. My wife is perfect and my daughter is my pride and joy but I still do shit like this. I'm never fucking around when I need to be" he says crying harder. Back at the house y/n pretty much cried herself to sleep. The next day you send him a text telling him to stay away until he can prove to his family that we come first. He gave a simple okay response. You spend the day with ember playing with her and cooking dinner for her. Once you put ember to bed you head to your own room. You lay in bed with no one beside you and the loneliness makes you cry again. "I just wish he was here" you say as you drift asleep.

Six months later:

A few months ago I was strong enough to invite him over for dinner. Ember was with her grand parents as to not be involved in our issues. We made a deal that he would stay at a hotel and every weekend he can come over for dinner. So far he has made more time for our family than he ever has. He even has a glow on him now that he isn't drinking. That's right, he stopped drinking after that night. And tonight after six long and lonely months you really wanted him back home. He invited you out on a date at a nice restaurant and your mom offered to keep ember. You hear the doorbell ring as you make your way down stairs. He's wears a nice pair of pants and a button down. And this is what you have on with your hair in a pony tail.

"Wow... you look stunning babe" he says blushing. "Thank you kiego" you say blushing as well. You both leave and head to the restaurant. Once you are there the staff seat you and bring a bottle of wine. "Oh sir I don't drink thank you though" he says pushing the bottle away. "You sure you don't want any?" You asks. "No love I'm good you enjoy yourself" he says smiling. Impressed you start talking to him about how he's been and how work is. Come to think of it you haven't seen him even look at a drop of alcohol since that night. After a while he grabs your hand and looks into your eyes. "I miss you y/n and I miss ember" he says kissing your hand gently. "We miss you too kiego" you say softly. "I've been thinking a lot and would it be too forward of me to ask if I could stay over tonight?" He asks putting his head down a bit waiting to be rejected again. You have seen his efforts and he really has gotten better. Plus I really do miss him. You think to yourself blushing a bit. "You can come home kiego" you say shyly. His face lit up and he rested his forehead on your hand in relief. "Thank god..." he says as a single tear falls down his face. "C-can I kiss you y/n?" He asks. You grab his blazer and your lips crash onto each other's. You pull away blushing and ask him to take them home. He happily complies and after paying they head home.

As soon as they open the door you pull him into another kiss but this one more aggressive. His wings puff up a bit as things heat up. He takes his blazer off and pulls you close to him deepening your kiss. He pushed your back against the wall sliding his hand up your dress and grabbing your ass. You moans into the kiss at his touch and his mouth slowly moved down to your jawline then neck. Your moans are light as your hands rubs on his arms. "Can I please take you baby? It's been so long and I think I might lose my mind." He asks desperately. "Please kiego" you moan. He picks your up with your legs around his waist and walks you upstairs to the bedroom. He kicks open the door and places you on the bed with him between your legs. His mouth attacking your neck desperately searching for your voice. As your hands feel all over one another his head trails down to your panties and he licks your clit through the fabric making your body tingle a bit. "Don't tease me baby... please, I really need it" you say squirming. He smirks "As you wish baby" and slides your panties to the side and he begins to devour you. "Fuck~!” You moan as you tug on his hair a bit from the pleasure but also trying to show resistance. You use your hand to muffle your moans but this made him stop completely. He looks up at you with feral eyes. "I haven't touched you in over 6 months baby... move that fucking hand and let me hear you." He growls at you. His eyes even looked different as if he was truly an animal And you were his prey. You do as your told and slowly move your hand. He wastes no time going back to his meal. His hands now gripping your thighs to keep you in place as he slides his tongue inside you. "K-kiego ngh yes baby~" you moan loudly  as you squirm under him.

He repeatedly moves his muscle in that motion and slurping you up as he pulled out. "I fucking missed you dove... your taste is even more delicious" he groans as he gently sucks on your clit. Your hips buck into his mouth as pleasure consumes you making you feel like melting into him. Minutes went by like this as you’re edged closer and closer. His mouth creating lewd noises as you gush over and over again. But soon to feel a tremendous pressure in the pit of your soul. Your moans slowly becoming whimpers. "I can feel it baby... cum for me dove" he groans as he laps at your throbbing pussy. Your breathing becoming quite heavy as he worked for your juices. "I-I I'm cumming  ki- fuuuck" you moan wildly as he laps up your cum faster than it can come out of you. He suddenly takes one of his feathers making it sharp and cuts off both of your clothes before he lines himself up with your pussy. He shoves himself completely inside you unexpectedly causing you to cum again. Your mind melting as you clentch hard around him. He looks at you and leans down to your face. "Did my baby just cum from me putting it in?" He smirks. You nod shaking as your hands wrap around his neck. Without another word you kiss him deeply as he starts thrusting into your tight pussy. "I-I'm so sorry baby I can't control myself" he growls as he then pulls out of you and aggressively flips you on all fours and shoving himself back into you. You cry out in pleasure as he pounds into you at inhumane speeds. His hand digging into your hip and the other gripping your arm behind your back. You feel another climax close as your skin collides over and over again.

Feeling you grip him tighter he slows down a bit but slams into you as hard as he can again and again. "Yes! Yes! Yes baby aaahhh Break me!!!!" You cry out and after a few thrusts like that you begin to squirt all over the bed. He stops amazed at what just happened. "Damn baby... I didn't know you could do that" he says blushing. You couldn't speak just moan and pant. "Let's try that again shall we?" Flipping you on you back and lifting your hips to meet his while you upper body still on the bed. "This time I wanna see it" he says licking his lips. He slides back in and goes at it like he never left. He loved the way you looked right now. Feral and completely destroyed because of him. He drools at the sight of your wet pussy being filled by him, by the way your breasts bounced harshly because of his thrusting. Your completely a mess under him barely being about to say anything besides incoherent words and whimpers. Soon you feel that strange sensation again as you neared another orgasm. "Ki! Aahh daddy~" you cry out as you grip his thighs. "Do it baby!" He moans and with that you being to squirt all over his lower stomach, cock and legs. This time much more intense as your mind went hazy for a few moments. He doesn't stop though and thrusts into a few more times before slowing down and running his hand on your stomach. "I think it's time we gave ember a sibling~" he moans. Your eyes weakly looked at his and all you could do was smile. He thrusts into you one final time as his shoots his cum deep in your womb. "God b-baby you feels so good" he moans as his cock twitches inside your throbbing pussy. You both catch your breath before cleaning up the bed and yourselves before falling asleep.

The next morning the sun beams through the room as you wake up. Kiego sleeping peacefully next to you. You kept thinking about last night blushing from what he said about giving ember a sibling. "Well if that's true then maybe I should help him out achieving that goal" you think to yourself smirking. You knew he was a heavy sleeper so you crawl between his legs and slipped his boxers off. You grab his already hard cock and slowly pump him causing his muscles to jump a bit. After a few pumps you slowly lick around the tip and suck on it softly. He moans in his sleep and his breathing pattern become irregular. You then smirk and shove him completely in your throat quickly and wastes not a moment deep throating him. He wakes up moaning loudly pulling back the blanket staring at you with a red face. "B-baby what ahh~" his moans not allowing him to speak properly. You ignore him and climb on top slowly sinking yourself down on him. His head falling back into the bed from the pleasure. You roll your hips into his instead of bouncing making both of you moan aloud. You pull him back up and wrap your hands around his neck while he’s gripping your waist. His mouth sucking on your neck harshly leaving marks everywhere his tongue danced. "I'm so close baby~" he moans into you and he thrusts into you. You throw your body back and grip his thighs as you bounce on his cock forcing your skin to slap against his own.

His grip tightens as he nears his climax. Your pace quickens as you chase your own climax as well. "Feels s-so good daddy~" you moan into the air as you clench around him. "Shit dove I-I'm gunna cum" he moans as sweat beads on his forehead. "Fill me up d-daddy. I want it deep inside~" you moan as you cum hard on his cock. He fucks you back harder and soon after he feels himself about to cum. "Fuck yes baby! Mmmmph shiiit~" he growls as his cum fills you deep. You lean forward keeping him inside you and kiss him passionately. He grabs the back of your head deepening the kiss slipping his tongue in. He pulls back and looks into your wild eyes panting. "What's gotten into you?" He says. "You said you wanted to give ember a sibling so I thought I'd help you out" you say smirking. He laughs a bit before kissing you again. "Then let's spend the day making sure we achieve that goal. What do you say love?" He says as he gets hard again still inside you making you moan. "Yes daddy" you say.

[findanotherreasontosmile]

I'm Torn Exactly Into Two Pieces (One Who Wants You and One Who's Gone Dark)

"Buck goes to work. He talks to his coworkers, never letting conversations go any deeper than shallow small talk, no matter how hard they try. When the shifts are over, he hurries to his empty apartment, always alone.

During the days between shifts he doesn’t answer his phone. Eventually, the calls and texts peter out.

Eddie tries to talk to him a few times, invites him over to hang out, but after many refusals, excuses and uncomfortable stuttering, he leaves Buck alone. Instead of feeling relieved, Buck cries himself to sleep after the first shift in which Eddie doesn’t approach him."

or, Eddie announces he's leaving the 118, and Buck spirals.

Read on AO3 | Part 1/2

Buck spends the rest of the day in a haze.

After Eddie’s confession, Buck offers him a smile and a hug. He comforts his best friend, because at that moment he needs it more than Buck does, and goes on with his evening. He smiles at the guests at the impromptu Christmas party, he chats with Carla, he plays with Christopher and Denny.

He ignores the sad, confused looks Hen sends his way. He avoids Bobby, who keeps trying to talk to him with an understanding, pitying expression. He doesn’t want to talk about it. There is nothing to talk about. He pretends his heart hasn’t just been torn into pieces.

Then, when the food is finished and the kids are all grumpy from exhaustion and the crash after the sugar rush, he drives home. He drops Taylor at her place first, kissing her distractedly before driving off.

He does not remember how he gets home, or how long it takes. Once he walks in, he throws the keys on the counter and climbs upstairs. He takes his shoes off along the way, hearing them fall down the stairs. He doesn’t take his clothes off, just crawls into bed, hides his head under the covers, and stills.

He waits for the grief to hit. He has been holding on all day, keeping the tears at bay until he was alone. Now, alone in his loft, with the autopilot off, he waits for the waterworks, but he comes up blank.

He feels empty. He waits for any feeling to overwhelm him, anger, sadness, anything, but nothing comes.

He is numb.

The wave of hurt he has been expecting doesn't come. He stays under the covers, waiting.

He knows that there is something wrong. Buck, who gets emotional over videos of unlikely animal friendships and over heartfelt commercials, can't bring himself to shed a single tear at the prospect of his best friend leaving. Buck, whose abandonment issues could fill books upon books (and they have, just ask Dr. Copeland).

He’s aware he should do something, like take a shower, or clean up the loft, anything but lay there drowning in his thoughts and his inability to process them. But his arms feel so tired, and moving even an inch seems unfathomable.

The hours tick by, one after another, and he doesn’t move.

He might never move again.

Finally, without a warning, sleep takes over.

Continue reading on AO3